The Courage of Michael Scott

Like many, The Office is one of my favorite shows of all time. However, when I first saw the American version of the office, I was convinced that it was not for me. I don’t like cringe shows very much. I experience enough shame in my own life. I don’t need a TV show to let me feel even more. Despite my misgivings, I continued to watch the show because I loved the characters Jim and Pam. Jim was the person I wanted to be. He reminded me of several people that I have known throughout my life that I both loved and envied. While Jim was the reason I stuck with the show, over time, I began to realize that my feelings about Michael Scott began to shift. Originally, he was the character I just tolerated. I really struggled with his lack of social awareness and tact. Looking back, I now recognize that Michael Scott was the person I most feared becoming. He was the person that no one really wanted around but whose presence was suffered because the others didn’t have a choice or because people just wanted to be nice.

When I sink into depression, it almost always has to do with the belief that I am unworthy, unwanted, and unlovable. Here is how this spiral usually works. I’m lonely. My mind tells me that I am lonely because something is wrong with me or because I have done something unforgivable or embarrassing. I believe this line of thinking and begin to replay my most shameful memories to support this belief. Since I believe that my loneliness is because I am the problem, I tell myself that there is nothing I can do about it. I further perpetuate this helplessness by imagining all the ways that I can make a fool of myself or become an object of pity if I reach out to others. My loneliness begins to feel permanent. I despair.

I have gone through this spiral enough times in my life that I used to assume that pretending that I am cool being alone all the time was clearly the best and only way to deal with life. If I do that, I can at least avoid embarrassment and pity because I genuinely believed that isolation and depression were preferable to embarrassment.

Enter Michael Scott to completely upend all of my preconceptions about what is important and what isn’t.

Season 2 Episode 9 of the office is called Email Surveillance. For most people it is a solid episode but is not exactly an Office standout. For me it is my favorite episode of all time and perhaps my favorite episode of television ever. In this episode, Michael Scott’s delusion of being seen as “The World’s Best Boss” is shattered. The first time I saw this, I just knew that we were witnessing the end of Michael Scott as we knew him. I expected him to become overwhelmed by shame and adopt my go to strategy of pretending he is okay while slowly dying inside, and this is exactly what he does at first. Michael learns of a BBQ at Jim’s house that everyone is invited to except him. He tries all of the subtle and non committal strategies to secure an invite, but none of this works. Eventually he adopts the attitude that he couldn’t go anyway because he has improv class. Michael heads off to improv class clearly hoping to connect with people. Once again Michael experiences rejection, and I think to myself, here comes the depressing ending.

This is when Michael does the unthinkable. He throws out all rules of propriety and decides to simply go to Jim’s party uninvited. When he walks through the door, I have all the feelings. My stomach twists, I get sweaty, and I even shield my eyes. The people at the party look and act exactly like I would expect them too. They are uncomfortable and clearly wish he wasn’t there. My worst nightmare is being played out on TV. I want Michael to leave. I want him to scrape together the remaining scraps of his pride and get out, but once again he does something ridiculous. He starts to sing karaoke. Not only does he start to sing. He has taken the ridiculous risk of picking a duet, and that risk is not paying off. I tell myself that this proves once and for all that it is better to pretend to be okay than to take a risk and put myself out there. Then the truly impossible happened. Michael got what he needed. Jim feels sorry for Michael and comes to his rescue. This act was clearly driven by the pity that I have so feared, but this fact does not seem to matter in the slightest. Michael broke all of the rules and, in doing so, got what he needed.

Michael Scott demonstrated in this episode how extraordinary courage has the power to unravel the spiral of loneliness induced depression. If we can overcome our fear of embarrassment and stop caring so much whether people are pitying us or genuinely wanting us around, we can have the power to take action to find community. We don’t have to find the perfect non-awkward way to connect with others. Thank goodness, because I am convinced there is no such thing as an awkwardness free meaningful connection. It is often possible to cure our loneliness as long as we are willing to risk vulnerability. Taking these actions may not always feel good, but I don’t know any other way to take charge of meeting our need for connectedness.