The Gifts of Anxiety

I once wrote about the lies anxiety tells. This emotion has been my opponent for as long as I can remember, but it is not a simple foe. Anxiety is not just a one-sided construct. You see I owe anxiety a lot. Anxiety may have lied to me and hindered me, but it has also given me several gifts that have lead to me being the person I am today. Today I want to talk about these gifts because while I often wish that I could be rid of anxiety, it is a vital part of my story.

I’m going to let you all in on a secret before I begin. Anxiety can be killed. It is possible to live a life free of anxiety (sort of). Drugs like Xanax and Ativan are prescribed by doctors and are amazingly effective at eliminating anxiety. Other drugs that are available elsewhere (alcohol, opium, cannabis, and heroin) can also be used to reduce anxiety to practically nothing. Why then don’t I just beat the bastard once and for all?

First of all, there are some very undesirable consequences of using all of those solutions provided above (yes even the legal ones). Here is another story. More important than that though, I put up with anxiety because it is a part of me. Anxiety is a part of being human. It is an emotion, and emotions are vital to living a full life. Emotions are funny things. Many of them are awesome. I love being happy. It’s great. I also love feeling contented and at peace. There’s nothing better than love and joy. Other emotions are not so fun. Sadness and grief are brutal. I hate being scared. Guilt and shame can tear at the heart, and rage leads to limitless suffering. Can’t we just keep the good and leave the bad behind?

Nope. Like I said, emotions are funny things. In order to feel one a person must be willing to experience them all, and this is a good thing. You see, I’m not so sure there is such thing as a “bad” emotion. There are certainly fruits of emotion that are evil, but each emotion is good because they are all essential contributors to the human experience. Each emotion has the ability to produce good fruits.

As I said before, anxiety has given me several gifts. It has made me appreciate, deeply appreciate, those that I love and that love me. It has led me to be very careful of who I trust, and helped me to find good people to surround myself with. Anxiety has given me empathy. Without it I would be detached. I wouldn’t be able to help people because I wouldn’t be able to understand their suffering. Empathy has made me reflective. Both my time alone because of my fear and my struggles against it have given me insight into who I am, and what I was made to be.

Today anxiety still walks with me. I don’t know if we are still enemies. We are certainly at odds at times, but I now appreciate the role it has played in my life. Today anxiety is still lying to me, but it is also still giving me gifts. It is pushing me to be better to try harder. It is helping me to recognize where I am limited, and it makes me appreciate the wonderful people in my life even more every day. I guess I am grateful to have met anxiety, but it really is a jerk sometimes.